Politeness is worst than Criticism

     When I was a bit younger and getting into poetry much deeper than I ever had, I released a poetry book thinking I had looked over it carefully. Two hours after releasing it, my granny called me. She told me she had read the book, which considering it was past her usual bedtime, I knew what she had to say was really important to keep her up.

     "Did you like it?" I asked.

     "No! It was so depressing!" and she went on to tell me how she never knew that I had gone through such emotions and felt genuinely sorry for me. This was some of the best feedback I have ever gotten for any of my writing.

     Good criticism is incredibly hard to come by at a time where the word "criticism" has a connotation that often gets it replaced by nicer sounding things like feedback. Between my creative writing classes, the Marine Corps, and generally questionable choices that a twenty year old ends up making, criticism has been the better part of my routine since I was eighteen. I don't just love the criticism that I receive but it is required if I want to get any better at my craft in a meaningful way.

     The reason I bring this up, is because I want to get better, but I know as a writer just how hard it is to get any kind of traction when you're occupation happens to currently be starving whatever. There are ways to combat this, but honestly there is much that can be done in a vacuum. Every artist, writer, or generally creative person has run into the "this piece is nice but it reminds me a lot of this other thing you have never heard of" moment. The moment where you think you have come up with the perfect backstory, or the perfect lore, or even just naming magic something other than magic just for the sake of not calling it magic, just to find out that the Simpsons did it like twenty years ago. However, I know the main problem lies in the fact that both writer and readers might not realize just how good "bad criticism" can be. 

     If anyone knows the old adage about "if someone calls you a horses [rear end]..." joke. If you don't, then the basis is if multiple people are telling you something is wrong or needs to be changed, maybe it is time to take a hard look as the beautiful child you have created is flawed and needs revisions. If you are lucky, you will be fortunate enough to hit a point in your creative career where you can look back and laugh in a loving manner about how much you fought to keep not-shadow-the-hedgehog in your book of definitely not edgy teenager that TOTALLY didn't say in a round about fashion "I'm not like other *insert here*s". Without editing, proofreading, and a test audience, it's a shot into the abyss and hoping to hit something that isn't going to eat you. Where the problem arises is when the writer is incapable of receiving any kind of feedback or when the audience is afraid to give any. 

     I'm sure there are plenty of article that talk about these issues, but from where I stand it is an issue of people believing it would be rude or embarrassing to correct something, with little to no regard with what the alternative is. For example, we have all had that moment where we have a colleague, friend, or whatever who walks up with a zit or pimple smack dab in the middle of the forehead. If you say something, you now for certain it will be slightly to extremely embarrassing to the person, but what is the other option? No one wants to be the one to point it out because of politeness or some other reason, so are you really going to let someone whom you feel no malice for walk around all day with other people who are too polite to say anything? There are very few bathrooms I have walked into where there are no mirrors, so to add to the panic there is little to no chance that they will get home, look in the mirror, and realize "holy crap, I've been walking around all day with this giant milky white pustule on my face and everyone just let me. How utterly embarrassing." As a writer, I have to trust those around me and everyone who reads my stuff to help me pop the plot pimples. If all this sounds gross and too much, imagine how I feel knowing there are there and I can't find them. 

     Publishers aren't much better, but instead of talking about the overwhelming amount of rejections I have receive that include the message "we used to give feedback but now we don't", I would rather speak about an email I received that helped me by not holding back. I submitted a story to Frontier Tales. The email was simple but the message was loud and clear; I didn't write a western. What seems so simple also was compounded by a little issue I had figured out early into writing these stories. If I took away or changed what was weird and make it mundane, would that take away from the story? Does the werecoyote really need to be a werecoyote? After messing with some of my backlog, the answer was easy to figure out. Yes for some, no for others, but I should be much more focused and mindful of what pieces from what genres I am borrowing from, and not just add things because I think a wand is more exciting than a revolver.

     I know this comes off as more than a rant than advice, but there are plenty of things that need to be addressed though an objective lens that politeness often blurs. Is this a suggestion, an opinion, or a part of a story that ruins everything? Who knows! It would be too embarrassing to tell you what's wrong, so instead let me pretend everything is fine so you can send it to important people with all the flaws intact. I know I am putting a lot on the audience, but that's because y'all have power that the writer doesn't. If a writer refuses to change or at least listen to their readers, the writer will get their punishment one way or the other. If three-hundred people tell me they love a story, and only ten people have more to say than "I like it", I'm in trouble.

    But enough about all that. I guess the reason I decided to go into such a long discussion over this is because how important something as simple as saying "this is not good" or "this part is the strongest part" really is. Thank you so much for reading, and I can't wait to talk to y'all later.

Dwarf Fortress proves that a SimCiv doesn't = Idle Game

     I know the title basically tells you all you need to know or tells you nothing at all but let me explain. In many Simulated Civilization (SimCiv) games there is a point that we all hit where you are waiting around and letting the game play itself. One of the main differences between a SimCiv and a Real-Time Strategy (RTS) game is that constant action happens and you can't afford to sit and wait in an RTS because someone over the other hill is trying to get an army big and strong enough to come attack you. SimCivs on the other hand are meant to be a little bit more laid back, enough so you can knit an entire sash and pause briefly every couple of seconds to fix a problem (anyone who knits knows what I mean when I am talking about the late game of Rim World, which will be talked about soon). Dwarf Fortress fixes this by having a game with deep mechanics that require you to play the game like an RTS. This becomes one of the greatest strengths and weaknesses of the game, with a hectic fasted-paced game that makes you feel like a dwarf that's been stuck working in a mountain so long you don't realize how many days have gone by in and out of game.

    While reading through "The Hobbit" I decided that I wanted to try and have some kind of small theme if I am going to talk about both games and books. So considering all the "Dwarves in mountains" themed games, I figured the best game to represent the same key plot elements are there; both have borderline incompetent dwarves trying to do something that will end up getting them ate by a dragon. That happens to be the best part of both, thematically, if you can keep from assaulting your screen monitor when the dwarf who can't swim decides to grab a rock at the bottom of the well in the fortress. Don't worry though, there's a mod that fixes that!

    That being said, this is a game with a small team that doesn't have the same level of polish than other big budget games, but what it does have is great. Yes, to truly understand the game you need to be well read enough on all the mechanics, YouTube videos, and have a Minecraft-Redstone level degree to get the most out of it though, but it's worth it. You go from not knowing what to do in a bad situation to creating whole worlds full of lore, and the chance to fail, build up a better place near that failure, then reclaim those old fortresses and turn a ruin into a monument of "Losing is Fun." Not to mention the new adventuring mode that allows you to create a world and fortresses then send a hero out from among them to go kill all the stuff you wanted to while only having to micromanage one or four dwarves instead of seventy. What makes it feel so great is when you give into the mania and allow yourself to be the overly precise gremlin you want to be. I know the word "micromanage" in any form when uttered can bring some discountenance, but when you are building a civilization in any game that will let you decide to even pick what color you want everyone's clothes dyed, it's not bad to be a maniac of perfection. An undead horde will likely come by to your nice home and start messing up everyone and their couch, but at least everyone will die in a nice hole in the mountain. Makes you realize that maybe the people in the mines of Moria were really good, they just had a bad day where none of the dwarves could walk over a puddle or something when they got taken. 

    If you like base-building games, you will love this game. If you like games that can be modded into completely new beast, kinda like how I hope to talk about Vintage Life soon, you will make a game you love. However, if you were hoping to finish a sweater in between tasks, you might get the arm done in the first month you start playing this game. There is no such thing as just playing a couple of hours of "Dwarf Fortress." You will be there until they smooth every tile, and heck, it's only five in the morning, maybe you can finally get that nice throne room done. 

    Thank you so much for reading, and let me know what kind of base building nonsense you love. All the janky mechanics in some games makes me want to crack open some of the old bush craft books I've bought and figure out which ones are easy to learn from and which require a good foundation and credit hours before having a chance to preform correctly alone and afraid in the wild. As always, stay safe, and I'll talk to y'all later.

I'm Writing a Boy's YA novel! (I'm scared)

    "So the Dead May Rest" is a book that I have been planning for so long my notes from being a DM are starting to get jealous. I have been wanting to write this same book for so long that it has become the scariest and most exciting project I have decided to do, yet I haven't even written the first page. I've talked about it before, but what scares me the most is that this is going to be a book that I wish I could've done better down the line. That thought alone made me realize something that I had yet to give any thought; what happens if the idea isn't all that great, and unless I write it I will never have another pet project?

    To be up front, this is the book that I have mentioned before that is my own special letter of adoration for all the things that I enjoy, whether they are played at a table or on a screen. My main goal is to write good characters that follow a neat plot, and allow the complexities come from the people involved. Honestly I think life is a lot like that since most things are as simple as getting from point a to point b it just gets messy in between. All of that is to say that this is something I have been sitting on and planned so many times that putting it off writing might just do more harm than good. This is one of those writer-ism that I see all the time, and was what caused me to write most of my Weird-Westerns. 

    Going back and reading those stories also made me understand my own tendencies as a writer. Some where more weird than Western and I realized that besides a singular odd animal in a certain story it was just a Western set in the same setting I had been using for so long. Looking back at the book I had once decided was ready to be released also made me realize that what was once was a darling needed it's own story, not to be coupled with an already bizarre mix of wizard-cowboys. That is why much of the content outside of talking about games and books is going to be mostly updates on how that novel is coming along. I will keep going back and looking at stories again and writing the odd story here and there, but I want a chance to say that I actually tried to write the book I wanted to at the beginning regardless of if it works out or not. 

    The main changes that I have made about the story is how it follows a younger protagonist who goes on a trip with is older brother who has been away for a really long time. Simple, except for the huge surprise that the mission to go explore the ruins of a long forgotten kingdom is actually cursed by a mysterious flame that burns in the castle. The people there cannot die, and the king has locked himself away for centuries. I can't wait to tell y'all more but I want to wait until I have more substance to share. Let me know in the comments about any kind of project y'all have wanted to do but never did. Can't wait to get started!

I'm Back! Unplanned Hiatus Results

    So much has been going on lately with many new life changes and those kinds of things that I had to take some time away from all the blogging and social media stuff that I was getting into just from being overwhelmed. Now I'm back and happy to announce I still have no idea what I should or shouldn't be writing that I have a new direction that I want to try. Been spending all this time reading and playing all those Steam games I got on back log that I am hoping to get a return from all the Summer Sales I participated in, not to mention the Amazon book sales as well.

    Basically the main thing I want to get out of this post is to let everyone know I haven't given up yet. I need to write more I just know that right now everything is kind of stagnant or at least feels that way. Most movies are just live action versions of animated movies and vice versa, the only published stuff I hear about any more is about how great the Erotica market is, and it feels like wizard-cowboys is getting to be an impossible sale. However, I still want to write even if it wasn't what I had planned to write, and the weird west stories were never supposed to end up as my only gimmick. The more and more I read and play the more and more I am realizing that maybe writing my own stories shouldn't be the only thing I write about.

    All of this is to say that I will start dropping book and game reviews to go with the short stories and poems that I want to become more and more of at thing (like one that I will be releasing tomorrow so GET EXCITED!). I want to write the way I like to write and start publishing more on the blog, so that the stories I feel like publishers don't want to take a chance on, and I don't blame them one bit some of these are a lot to take in, still get to see the light of day. I don't want there to be all this time in between stories though, and I am always reading and playing something. I hope all the extra typing and writing will also help me develop my own unique voice that I can use to be a part of the conversation on a bigger scale when it comes to the things I'm passionate about. Games and books are very dear to me, and I feel like I've spent enough time just complaining or theorizing in private. I'm ready to take my foolishness to the Internet! Hope this goes well.

    Along with writing about that, I hope to do a Monday week in review sort of thing. Look at the body part of mind, body, and spirit. Reviews I hope show something of worth coming from the creases of my mind, the poetry/short stories I hope show how my soul is shaping and working with a creative outlet, but also showing that it is possible to be a giant nerdy writer in both title and physique. I got into my local AMTGARD group as well and have been having a ball using my time running around resurrecting my friends as cardio. My dreams of dressing up as Conan the Barbarian can still happen if I just suddenly decided to take a liking to foods I have never liked! This is going to be harder than I thought...

    Anyway, thank you to anyone who is reading this and leave a comment of encouragement as I try to get it together. Enjoy the rest of the content I have and I can't way to see y'all soon!

Failure to Follow Form

 Failure to Follow Form

I have no idea what I am doing. That is not just hyperbole where I go on and on about philosophical nothingness, about not understanding what it is that I am doing. I am trying to write a poem that doesn’t fall into a gaping void of uncertainty and depression, and nothing is coming up. It is as if life itself is starting to forget how to follow its own rules. Life has forgotten it is supposed to follow up and down patterns, as if lyrically crafted by someone much older than I. The same way that no amount of clapping will help me find the syllables, I can’t find anything that doesn’t make me sound like a hopeless ingrate. Its rhythm is all skewed, like my attempts at Shakespeare's curse to man. In six months, we have had to endure six ends of life without a single new baby, a single good moment. Memento Mori is overwhelmingly taught while we struggle to find the Vivere. The end of my sestinas are death, death, death, death, death, and death. I might be better off trying to write a haiku.

I could write stuff like.

Snow will fall on Mount Fuji.

But that wouldn’t fit.

There is Nothing to be Afraid of

The scariest part of my day is about to begin.

Waking up is a struggle,

and getting to the bathroom a strain,

but nothing compares to the reflective menace;

Nothing is worse than my mirror.

What will I see today?

Maybe a young man full of vitality,

Who is built like a perfect brick house,

Every stone polished with care,

Whose tattoos resemble fine tapestries?

Or will I find a haunted abode,

Whose ceiling is matted and dirty,

With windows missing or shattered,

with a freakish rug made of terrifying fur,

and a fence that is crooked and faded?

I finally look up once I've gotten the nerve

And what I see couldn't be worst.

Save me from the horrible visage,

this twisted, purposeless abomination!

As I stare into the glass, nothing looks back.

Empty eyes without a shine.

Laugh lines I can't remember earning.

Hair that is somehow too long and too short.

A face unable to create a discernable emotion

A rotten, steaming, pile of nothing.

Someone please save me.

God look at this pitiful, pathetic lump.

Because maybe if You or anyone can see me,

Maybe there is a chance for something to come from nothing.

Maybe there is something worth saving.

4 Things to do While the Lights Are Out

      The Lord definitely works in mysterious ways, because honestly I had no idea what I was going to type about today until in the middle of my newest fascination (wood carving, or whittling as I found out it's called) the power went out. This reminded me of when I was a kid and the power went out for whatever reason, all the things we used to do by candle light/lantern light waiting for the power to come on. Sometimes it took days, sometimes it was only a short few hours, but no matter what we found a way to entertain ourselves so I figured I would share some of those things I used to do and still do when the power is off so TV and Computers are kinda off the table.

1. Read All Those Books You Haven't Had Time For: I know this is technically cheating, and might be a bit of self advertisement, but setting up some lights so that you can grab those weird things made of paper with words on them might help pass the time. Our time is so divided between watching videos on YouTube or social media, that we forget that getting lost in a book we like is some of the best hours spent is getting lost in a book. Power won't be coming back for a hot minute, so better to get off the phone and let it keep the power it has while you grab something that doesn't require electricity. By the time you get to the best part the power will suddenly be back on of course, but nothing says you can't keep enjoying a good book no matter the circumstances.
2. Board Games: This was one that me and my family did a lot when power went out. Maybe we weren't miserable enough without AC in Texas so we decided to whip out Monopoly and Uno to really start taking it out on each other. I am kidding of course, as we had such a big collection with all sorts of weird and fun stuff that we would get annoyed with one game we would move on. If anyone has played Risk before, you know a board game can fill up the better part of a day until lights come back on.
3. BBQ with Friends and Family: My mother was a master at being able to take anything we cooked in the kitchen could be done on the back porch. With a lot of the food we keep not lasting without refrigeration, it might be a good idea to break out some charcoal if you have some and throwing something on the grill. I remember some of our best meals were just stuff we planned on eating later being put on the grill in the tin-foil with some butter or oil and some salt and letting the grill do the rest of the work. I myself have gotten a full set of camping supplies and cast iron cooking ware, so I ain't that much different from what I already do. When the weather turns for the worst it's a great chance to gather everything together and cook like you went to ones of those KOAs.
4. Sleep: My laptop is running out of battery so this one might seem rushed, although that is kind of the point. We are all rushing around so much with keeping up with everything that when the electricity goes out, it might be the perfect time to get some much needed rest. Now I know without AC that is easier said than done, but it is a great idea if you really don't have much to do and need to get the hours to fly by. Without your phone and email constantly pinging you about some stuff that needs to be done, maybe it is time to catch some zs and sleep the darkness away.

     So that is all the time I have before my laptop dies. Thank you for reading, subscribe and follow my Facebook and Instagram please, and I'll see y'all later!